“For a book with so much anal, I didn’t expect it to have so much heart.”

“A brilliant feminist satirical response to the tragedies of life.”

On February 14, 2011, exactly two months before The List appeared at Smoke Park Reefer Forest High School, Larry Galloway provided legal tenure to his girlfriend, Becky Murder, in the amount of $3,009 (plus the tip) to fulfill a fantasy that Becky was a high-end prostitute, just like Jennifer Garner in Catch Me If You Can. And that was only cell 15B of Becky and Larry’s secret formulated Sex Spreadsheet that contained a whole world of fantasies for just the two of them. The SexSheet was never meant to spread across the 4,000-student body like wildfire at Smoke Park Reefer Forest like The List did. It would have been tragic if their secret spread to the whole school. 

You remember The List, right? The 100% real thing at Oak Park River Forest High School that made local, state, and national news in 2011? 

802 students in Becky and Larry’s junior class would never forget when a 17-year-old created a spreadsheet that ranked the 50 hottest junior girls with individual and composite 1-10 scores for face, tits, ass, and he didn’t forget to factor in their personalities either. In fact, he laboriously wrote a whole paragraph about each girl and what sluts they were for having drunk hookups at parties and sex with their boyfriends. It even got picked up on Late Night, and Jay Leno commentated that a student creating a table that ranked 50 underage girls was hardly any different than ranking the 50 pageant queens of Miss America. Before #MeToo, that was the best satire men could come up with. How tragic – but Becky would learn what tragic meant later. 

It’s the greatest white upper-middle class American high school love story of the decade that will REDEFINE A GENERATION.

Before any tragedy, Becky Murder was a visionary yearbook nerd who knew the theme of that year was “Redefined” before her whole school did. It wasn’t like sophomore year’s “Exposed” where Becky came up with the idea for the people section to feature “Exposés” about shining students like the famous actress, writer, and magazine editor Tavi Gevinson. This year was about redefining the status quo, not just exposing it, which meant Becky was going to stop being a gossip and not tell anyone’s secrets like which boy in her freshman English repeatedly wanked in the corner of class.

If Becky could redefine herself, she would be a comedian, like fellow OPRF alumni Tom Lennon and Kathy Griffin. She wanted the whole school to laugh and think about things in a new way after something as tragic as The List. Becky wasn’t on The List, but maybe she could be part of something bigger. Something funny, heartfelt and real that brought the school together like never before. She was the only yearbook, math team, science fair, student council, published poet of the entire class who could pool together a team making headlines like, “50 Junior Guys with Penises in No Particular Order,” “Major Loophole! Hot Girl Avoids Being Called Slut by Being a Hot Lesbian Instead” and “50 Brilliant Black Girls Jump in OPRF Pool to Avoid Being Soaked in Objectification” or even a double-coded “Math Team Creates Formulated Sex Spreadsheet for Exponential Pleasure.” 

Becky was smart enough to know she needed help to carry out her vision to create and distribute the finest feministic satirical magazine the school had ever seen. She put together an all-star team including her witty fifth-grade crush, Mark Protestant, and a radically unique star named Mermaid Summer, who was destined to be as famous as fellow sophomore, Tavi Gevinson. The Limited Spring 2011 Edition of “LISTen Up” was going to be way more fun for Becky than writing her mandatory Junior Theme about The Great Gatsby at the end of the year. If nothing tragic happened, like someone’s secret getting out, then Becky could finish both at the same time. 

Before the Junior Theme, The List, or any tragedy, on August 21, 2010, Becky and Larry weren’t even friends, but maybe they should have been. It was the first day of class and they were both 100% nerds along with all their mutual friends, had two AP classes back-to-back and even owned matching construction-vest orange “I Squared Shirt Just Got Real” T’s when math team made state the year prior. Becky hadn’t considered being friends with Larry before because since she met him in 5th grade something about him seemed off - like he was a character with a secret he couldn’t share. After Larry got the courage to ask Becky to hang out as friends at the local community pool, he took the plunge to ask her to be his homecoming date in a way that shows how thoughtful, sweet, and brave a young man can be. What ensues includes car vomit, used condoms on the gym floor, tits covered in cum, and of course, we discover how Becky got the nickname Rainblow Glitter Ceviche Diarrhea Dick on spring break in Cancun.

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