Easy for me to say, right? NO!
I’m writing this because I learned this lesson just a couple years ago, and now I’m sharing it.
The word “mentor” seems prestigious. Like you’re a 45-year-old professor with glasses and a beard or something. It seems like a title that is bestowed upon you, with the English queen christening you with a sword, “You, madam noble, are Mentored.” Someone depressed, stressed, and unclear on how things will get better doesn’t deserve the honor. At least, that’s what I told myself.
But what about 2008’s 77% Rotten Tomatoes comedy, “Role Models” starring Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott? They’re only mentors to kids because of a court order. The kids in the program are aware their assigned big brothers aren’t voluntary volunteers, which does cause tension. It can be hard to feel like someone wants to be there for you if the reality is that they have to be there. And when Paul and Seann’s characters fell short and wouldn’t show up for the children, that really hurts them. They feel like they aren’t important to anyone, like they’re being told they don’t matter. I can understand why people don’t want to take on the risk of being a mentor, because if they mess up, if they don’t show up, they understand how deeply they have hurt an innocent child who deserves better.
Do you know what happens after a missed opportunity? Your whole life. You have your whole life to show up. To commit to that relationship. And your life is happening right now. You can make it right now.
To make it right, you initiate. After a time where you put your needs above the person you mentor, you have the option to acknowledge the hurt. Let them share their hurt so you can share that you’re sorry for the pain you caused them. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it can heal it better than you think.
That’s what happened in Role Models. Just because the big brothers messed up doesn’t mean they couldn’t stick with it. They worked through it with their little brothers and showed up for them in the ways that they needed. And spoiler, it gives the big brothers the confidence and inspiration to start doing the work in their personal lives to make their own dreams happen.
What is required to be a mentor?
1. Show up for training. You have support for all the “if’s” and “when’s.”
2. Show up for your mentee.
3. Focus on their needs.
4. Tell them you care. You’re proud they’re taking the initiative to grow and express themselves.
5. Share a memory, a self-mantra, a time you’ve felt the same way.
That’s it.
While the movie offers us this genuinely wonderful lesson, I needed to experience it to understand it. Two years ago, I applied for a mentorship program as part of a larger lobbying group that advocates for environmental, economic, and criminal justice legislation in Washington State. I was fortunate to be selected and paired with a wonderful mentor, Verna, whom I’m still in touch with on a personal level as well as paired up with to advocate for guaranteed basic income, which has been gaining momentum as the most effective and straightforward way to ensure all people can get out of survival mode and afford shelter, food, education, preventative and post care, and mental health services. I’m passionate about supporting a cause that gives autonomy and wellbeing to people who need it most.
During one of our Zoom meetings last year, my mentor reminded me of the Role Models lesson. Verna is an impressive person with a full heart for the wellbeing and needs of others and is consistent in daily actions to serve her community. She was probably one of the first mentors sworn in by the queen. She had a laundry list of accomplishments but none of that mattered because I was the one that mattered. We were focused on me and what I needed because she wanted to show her care. And on top of everything, she’s given me great guidance on my website and mentorship program.
There are a lot of reasons why I’m feeling more joy these days, and one of them is Verna. Doing a mentorship program gave me the opportunity for that. It was a real gift. And I can’t wait for all the gifts I have to give. The gifts have nothing to do with whether or not I have accomplished something. It’s freeing to know I can give something as simple as my presence. As simple as my love. And that’s all that really matters.
Think of a time you gave a meaningful gift. Maybe it required more of you than you thought. And you couldn’t guarantee they would understand your love and care for them. But you put yourself out there because you wanted to. Because maybe they would understand. That seems like a risk worth taking.
Visit www.ichooseink.com/mentor to apply for the Fall 2023 “Own Your Voice” Expressive Communication and Collaboration Mentorship Program. Applications due June 30th!
