While I still don't have the perfect self-image all the time, I can still say with confidence that my self-image has improved significantly in the past few years. I can tell you right now that it didn’t happen from self-help, self-affirmations, and all the other self-obsessed advice our culture prescribes us in order to be happier. It didn’t come from spending time building myself up and focusing all my energy on my looks until they were perfect. It didn't come from talking things out with friends and having them reassure me of my value. It didn't come from being in a relationship or being single.
From my own personal experience, self-image is not a goal. It is a bi-product of a certain mindset and lifestyle. It comes from a combination of caring less about your looks and caring more about other things. Here are a few tips for how to go about that:
1. Mirror trick 1: Walk Away
Do you ever find yourself standing in front of the mirror pointing out your flaws? Do you grab on to your love handles? Wish your stomach was flatter? That your nose was smaller? Sure you have. We all have.
Some self-help books will tell you to combat the negativity with positive affirmations. Write things like “I am beautiful” on the mirror. Give yourself compliments. But all that self-obsession is empty and unfulfilling. It’s fine to do those things in moderation, but when you become obsessed with improving self-image directly you will never get there.
Next time you catch yourself in a bad mood in front of the mirror, just walk away. There’s no rule that you have to keep judging yourself. Over time you will notice that you are more positive about yourself.
2. Mirror trick 2: Back it up
http://blog.jiji.ng/2015/07/why-women-like-to-look-in-the-mirror/
Sometimes we look at the mirror for a specific task like removing white heads or applying make-up. During those times, it’s easy to get really close to the mirror to try to catch small imperfections. The closer you get, the more imperfections you see, the more frustrated you get. When this cycle happens just remind yourself that nobody is going to be within a quarter of an inch of your face to see anything wrong with it. If nobody else is going to get that close and care, why should you?
3. Go do a thing!
Like I said before, positive self-image comes from caring less and from doing more. That’s why doing a thing is so important! You spend time on that thing instead of laying around being miserable about yourself. And doing that thing makes you feel accomplished and gives you a sense of pride. Go for a run! Read! Make art! Go fishing! Try a new recipe! Go bowling! Volunteer! Get off Netflix and Facebook and DO A THING WITH YOUR LIFE (after you finish this article). I promise it’ll make you feel better!
This past summer I did yoga 5-7 times a week. In the past, I would usually try it a few times a year and then quit. But this time I decided to commit and go out of my comfort zone. I could write multiple posts on my yoga experiences, but in short, it felt so empowering to be able to improve and see results. By the end of summer, I could do a handstand. How cool is that? It felt great to be proud of something I had done. I felt better about myself, which meant I wasn't as worried about how I looked.
4. Identify triggers. Stop going after those triggers.
http://www.malsmiles.com/2012_05_01_archive.html
This tip is a little tougher, but there are two easy steps you can take to go about it. First, figure out what makes you care about your image. Second, stop doing that thing. Seriously, it’s that simple. Here are three triggers to look out for:
Magazines. Are you looking at magazines full of photoshopped models (aka every magazine ever)? STOP LOOKING AT MAGAZINES. This has honestly helped me more than any other tip I can offer. Around when I was a freshman in high school, for some reason we got a couple free subscriptions to magazines like Glamour and Shape. It was fun to see the latest trends, pretty clothes, and smell the free perfume samples. I didn't think much of it, but at the time my self-image was horrible. I was basically the same height and weight I am today, yet I was convinced I should have been skinnier. After the subscriptions ran out, I noticed that I was significantly happier with my image. Obviously all of us are still exposed to countless photoshopped images and unrealistic beauty standards every day, but intentionally not looking at magazines can make a big impact in your life. I am so serious about this. If I ever have a daughter some day, I would make it clear how damaging and terrible magazines are for her self-image.
Facebook. Why spend any time looking at something that makes you unhappy? Are you Facebook stalking the prettiest girls at your school? STOP DOING THAT. I used to do that all the time in high school. It never made me feel good, and yet I continued to do it. What do you gain from looking up the most popular girl at your school? What positive emotions come from comparing yourself to her? There is nothing to gain. There is nothing positive about it. You simply do it out of habit, jealousy, and insecurity. I still fall into this trap, but by being aware of it, I can do it less.
Instagram. I recently got an Instagram to promote the website (IG: ichooseinkcom) and I know I'm very late to this scene, but wow Instagram is a whole new world! It blew me away how regular people I know in real life can look like models on IG. At first I was jealous, but then I realized just how much time goes into making a great photo. It can take a solid hour to make a good selfie. Think about that. Isn't that just sad? We choose to spend hours and hours to create this imaginary online image that is in no way real or reflective of who we actually are. Our choices matter. When you spend hours doing one thing, it means you're giving up another. A year from now, would you rather have a handful of gorgeous IG pictures that look nothing like you or would you rather have...read 5 books? Improved at another language? Played a sport? Volunteered every Saturday? The choices you make add up over time and can lead to major change. It's not easy. It takes constant effort and sometimes even frustration, but achieving goals is so much more fulfilling than likes on social media.
I don't mean to shame anyone that has an amazing Instagram with epic selfies. Maybe you do a bunch of other cool stuff too. But it's always good to push yourself to use your time in other ways. If you find that you have a great IG, yet don't feel content about your image, then consider using your time differently.
5. Accept the bad days
http://topyaps.com/top-10-broken-heart-quotes
No matter how hard we try to stay active and not focused on our image, it’s natural to come up short some days. Not every day can be your best day. Sometimes you don’t want to do a thing. Sometimes you want to sulk. That’s okay. You’ll only become more negative if you feel bad about feeling bad. Understand that everyone has some off days. Focus on the fact that tomorrow will be better, and more often than not it will be.