In one of my recent posts, I talked about my issues with jealousy. I determined that it is a choice to be jealous, and that in order to be healthy I had to choose something else. I had to choose me. This final realization sounded nice. It had a wise, succinct, conclusion-y feel. But what does choosing me actually mean? How can choosing me allow me to let go of some of my jealousy issues?
I am only in the beginning stages of this process, but I would like to share my journey with you so far. I am re-dedicating myself back to a healthy lifestyle in order to feel more positive about myself. I am also trying to live in the present to avoid negative toxic jealous thoughts.
I chose the word “re-dedicating” intentionally. I was quite healthy a few months ago. During the summer I was cooking my own food, drinking plenty of water, and doing a ton of yoga. After a couple weeks, I didn’t really want to eat healthy or go to yoga four days a week, but I still did it. It wasn’t a cure all for the banalities and emotional rollercoasters of life, but looking back at that period as a whole, I felt pretty good. I was sleeping well. I had energy. I was in control of my body.
I told myself I would keep up this lifestyle when I got back to school. And I did… for the first month or two. And then I started making excuses. The cafeteria is unhealthy. Most exercises are bad for my back. If I buy 6 orders of Domino’s the next one is free! I didn’t notice much of a difference in my emotions and well being at first, but the last couple of months have been different. I’m less motivated, less happy, and noticeably more jealous.
After I wrote that last article, it hit me how bad my jealousy issues actually were. I had so many jealous thoughts that felt out of my control. I was worried I would always have a ton of jealous thoughts and that I couldn’t do anything to get rid of them. But that felt powerless. That was a cop out. I can change; it just won’t be easy.
To get back on track, I started reading Pretty Happy by Kate Hudson, a book about being in touch with your body and maintaining a healthy lifestyle that works best for you. It’s not perfect. I don’t think it caters well to anyone with a history of eating disorders, and so to anyone I would recommend reading it with caution. Nevertheless, I have still found some positive information in it. It has many of the answers to what “choosing me” actually looks like.
It highly recommends journaling on a regular basis to check in with yourself about how you’re feeling. It has you reflect on your overall health by asking you to describe your diet, sleep, etc. and then has you focus on your fears and goals.
As for my goals, I am going to:
1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
2. Eat healthy by cooking all my meals instead of going to the cafeteria
3. Exercise 3 or more times a week
4. Always write down a to do list for the day/week so I can stay productive
5. Wake up at a reasonable time so that I’m not groggy
6. Write in my journal a couple times a week
7. Practice body scanning-focusing on my five senses when I am feeling negative thoughts so that I can tune in with my body and focus on me rather than on jealousy.
I also plan to continue reading Pretty Happy to see what else Kate recommends!
It only takes a second to say “I choose me” but it takes a lifetime to put that plan into action. I hope that by sharing my experiences with you, you can see how to make changes in your life and what those changes can do for you. And the changes are not just physical. A healthy body reinforces a healthy mind. I have had toxic thoughts because I haven’t been taking care of myself mentally or physically. When I was healthy, I didn’t realize how much happier I was until I didn’t have it anymore. All that effort was completely worth it. Being lazy and undisciplined just makes me feel pretty… blah. I don’t want to feel pretty blah; I want to feel pretty happy, and I think my new goals will help me get there.
Thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me.